Bev Bennett, a veteran food writer and editor, is the author of "Dinner for Two: A Cookbook for Couples" and "30-Minute Meals for Dummies"
Ellyn Satter doesn't talk about calories or fat grams.
In fact, the dietitian doesn't get into what you "should" or "shouldn't" eat. But despite her resistance to prescriptive nutrition, Satter is one of the most respected mealtime authorities in the U.S.
Her book "Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense," (Bull Publishing Co., 1983) won a generation of fans as she taught parents how to avoid food fights and eating issues.
In her early work as a dietitian and family therapist Satter promoted the concept of a division of responsibility for eating.
Parents decide when, where and what to serve at mealtime, children decide whether to eat what's offered them and how much.
Now Satter is addressing new concerns.
Grazing is replacing family meals. People are eliminating certain food groups, such as carbohydrates, and eating isn't the pleasurable experience it should be, according to Satter.
The balance of responsibilities Satter encourages is falling apart in some families. No one is making the meal decisions and it's every family member for him or herself.
"It seems in many households it's all autonomy, no structure," says Satter, Madison, Wisc.
Structure is essential to feeding your family healthfully and well, she says.
"You have to have snacks at predictable times; you have to have meals at predictable times."
By setting a meal schedule your family can anticipate the ritual with pleasure. Think about your most positive memories of food and eating. Build on those as you plan meals. Don't bring negative messages to the table. If you dictate what and how much of each food your family should be eating, your mealtime is tense and uncomfortable. You don't want dinner to explode in a broccoli battle.
Unfortunately enjoyment is also a diminishing aspect of eating for some people, says the dietitian.
People are afraid that if they like what they're eating, they'll overeat. In their view "the appetite is a malevolent and insatiable force. If you let yourself eat what you want, you're out of control," says Satter, author of the recent book, "Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family" (Kelcy Press, 2008 second edition).
To overcome this negative approach Satter suggests the following:
Trust that you'll eat foods you like in amounts that are satisfying and that taking the time to enjoy eating is time well spent.
Ironically, the recession is encouraging families to return to mealtime together, Satter says.
"People have to plan and be organized and put their money to good use. Planning meals helps families manage money," she says.
In addition, togetherness helps ease stress.
"Gathering at the table for a pleasant meal is so important," Satter says.